I Need Candy

And no that is not a metaphor or symbol or person. There are some wounds that can only be healed by time and candy. Lots of candy. I’m going to eat my fill and my teeth are going to hate me.

The fact of the matter is that there exist crazy people who should never be allowed to drive. I am proud to say that it wasn’t me. It was them! I have progressed to not only being able to notice that, but also able to drive on a road like this in the dark. I’m honestly really happy that I’ve been able to progress this way. Although I’m still a bit too hesitant to trust myself for my taste, this is something that only time will help.

Right now, my eyes are super wide from being able to drive as far as I could (and back in the dark) with a road full of crazy people. And the fact that they’re crazy helps makes them wide. That’s really…It’s unbelievable. They should follow the law or at least be careful when they’re not!

At this point, I’ll look perpetually scared like one of my friends’ cat. He’s a fat kitty with those big, wide eyes. If I can look half as cute as that cat, I’ll never need to worry about my appearance again.

If my thoughts are all over the place, it is mainly because I have a killer headache (hello PTSD and overall anxiety) exacerbated overcorrecting on a turn and getting triggered so I’m going to end my post here. This week is like testing week. I’ve learned and worked things out and now I gotta put it into practice and cement my learning.

This is true for a lot of things. You can’t just work on things in theory and then not do the practical. You need to put theory into practice. While the ratio may vary from person to person, in life, you do need a certain amount of both if you want to learn anything. Some practical knowledge is necessary. Otherwise you-in life, you will meet some innocent people who don’t quite get it and then you will understand precisely what I mean.

Life is stressful and since my childhood I’ve learned many lessons. One of those is that critical thinking skills, common sense, humility, and a willingness to learn are necessary if you want to save yourself some pain. I have been able to learn a lot more quickly from life because I am always asking myself, when I go through something hard, “what can I learn from this situation?” When I do that, I feel a stronger grasp on the situation. Life isn’t just acting on me. I’m living it. I’m experiencing it. I’m using it to properly myself forward and to reach even higher heights than ever before.

Compared to the time when I went through life feeling so hurt and empty that I wanted to end it all, this is such a huge difference. I count my blessings every day that I’m not there anymore.

I have more people to care about now. Now I realize that I’ve never been fully alone even if it felt like it a lot of the times. Even if most of the people around me didn’t understand, I am at least loved.

That I’m in pain means I’m actively living my life and experiencing it in the best and fullest way I can. When my heart hurts, it means I’m alive. My heart isn’t numb. It means I care enough. It means I’ve experienced enough joy to be able to tell the difference. I’m not so used to pain that I can’t tell the difference anymore. I don’t have to love pain (and I won’t) to appreciate it.

Anyways, that’s always helped me through hard times so I hope maybe one day it’ll help someone too. There will come a day when you’ll be able to look back and it’ll feel like it happened so long ago. Hard times won’t last forever.

 

 

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