Sometimes, there are times when you could’ve made a better impression or spoke more softly to others. For the latter, it seemed more like they were having a bad day and losing the debate was the last straw.
I tried to make things better, but I didn’t really point out their opponents weakness beforehand (since they had weaknesses, but it wasn’t glaring) so it must have seemed harsh to them when I did it to them on their argument and posture. Under ordinary circumstances, this might have been fine, but like I said, it looked like they were having a bad day beforehand. I hope their day improves or that tomorrow is better for them. I felt awful for them.
While I want to improve myself, I’m human. I’m going to make mistakes. These things are natural. Sometimes, I say the wrong things or get defensive too. If others can, why can’t I?
With that thought in mind, I’m not going to do let this bother me. In the future, I’ll use this experience for the better, but I’m not going to castigate myself if I screw up.
We are humans. We are works in progress. There’s no way I would use the sort of criteria I use on myself to (in general) judge other people. So if I can be kind and generous to others, I can be kind and generous to myself!
I’m still more strict with myself, but I’m getting better. I’m getting a lot better. As long as I keep this lesson in mind and silence the critical inner voice (read: monster) in my mind, then I’ll be able to keep improving.
Improving is done through practice. There’s going to be a point where it looks like you’re not growing or advancing as well as you did before, but that’s because you’ve got the awkward growth stage where you’ve learned a lot of the more basic and important lessons that you need, but haven’t hit upon or fully learned the harder (or sometimes easier) ones yet. The harder ones tend to take more time on my experience.
In my case, I’m reprogramming the way I do and think of things. In the beginning, I hit an epiphany every day because I had so much to learn. Now that I’ve learned some of the more basic things, it falls to me to be able to fully implement it in my life. While there is more for me to learn, it’s something that will take time and after I’ve fully learned the more easier lessons.
At least, this is what I’ve noticed about myself. I learned to be nicer to myself, but it’s one thing to fully realize and another to implement. I just have to keep going and keep trying. Lessons will be learned naturally and when I’m ready.