It’s Hard For Me To Describe This

Any suggestions?

Yesterday, I had to leave something behind. I don’t know how to explain what it was. It is hard even for me to grasp. My immaturity would be a good word for it? Whatever it was, it was holding me back. I realized this while exercising yesterday. It’s a calm, meditative type of exercise that often gives me the time to really take a breath to relax and recognize the issues that have been plaguing me.

This chapter of my life is closing as another one begins to open. It only makes sense then that I let go of the parts of myself that I’ve outgrown. Like my cells, these parts of me live, die, and grow. Progression means not only gaining, but letting things go. Otherwise, you’ll be so cluttered with the things you’ve kept, but no longer need that you won’t be able to see the path in front of you as clearly. You’ll always be looking down, trying to avoid stepping on something and never be able to truly appreciate what is around or before you.

Even though I can’t fully explain what it is, it was something and it was something that helped me through a lot of difficulties this month and even the previous years, but I can’t hold onto it anymore. I had to say, in both heart and mind, “To this part of me, thank you for being with me and helping me all these years, but I can handle it now. You were a comfort, but I can’t keep you with me if I want to grow. Goodbye.”

It might be strange, talking to yourself, but I find it allows me to address my innermost thoughts and feelings easily. This is something I’ve done for years and it’s helped me better reason with myself. My brain just works like that.

Growth is about gratitude because the more you grow, the more you feel grateful for, and the more you realize how much you rely (and have relied on) the kindness of others.

(It’s funny that I’ve had most of these tags for a while save gratitude and it’s only as I better understand its importance that I realize these tags have become not words to strive for in my life, but words to describe it.)




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