Yesterday, after I published my post, I realized that it wasn’t a posting day. Sometimes the days slip away from me. Even when they don’t, it’s hard to feel secure about them. Since I have a reliable planner now, it should be better after this.
As of late, I’ve been listening and gaining more wisdom from the leaders in my religion. One thing that stood out to me was the talk on how love and affection isn’t something that you should remove from someone just because they don’t meet your expectations. That’s not what love is and it shouldn’t be. Doing that isn’t right.
It really struck home with me because isn’t that what I’ve been doing to myself? Denying myself kindness and patience because I don’t meet my own expectations? That’s not how love works. If I want to love myself, I can’t do that. Like the speaker said in the talk, fear is a temporary motivator at best. It cannot change hearts. Only love can. If I want to change and become a better person, then there needs to be love in my heart. If there is to be love, then there cannot be fear. I am only human. I cannot fear myself while expecting myself to learn how to love myself more.
I need to seek to see myself as the way I am. I need to disperse the fear that’s been gathering in my heart like storm clouds. Only then can the warmth of self-love shine upon me.
(If you are interested in the speech I am referring to, I’ll give you the link. There may be terms due to my church’s culture. Don’t mind that and just focus on what you do understand and how it makes you feel. I’m starting to realize that the heart is wiser than the head sometimes. My culture can be so detached from the neck down that I’ve made things harder for myself than they have to be. The link will open in a different window, by the way. So it won’t disturb your current session.)