I didn’t realize how negative my thoughts were until I paid attention to it. Thinking about negative things attract negative things made me want to turn my negative thoughts into positive ones. It made me realize how much of my own goals and thoughts were “don’t be a bad person” or “don’t think bad things about others”. If most of my thoughts were don’t do this, don’t do that-no wonder I was so stressed! All I did was focus on what I couldn’t do. It didn’t focus on the kind of person I want to be.
It wasn’t “I am a good person. There is peace in my heart. My thoughts are clear” or “today, I am grateful that I got a lot of things done”. It was always thoughts that implies I wasn’t enough and just didn’t want to be a failure. How can I gain self-love that way? If you were a relationship counselor called to mediate between a disputing couple and all they did was focus on one another’s faults, wouldn’t you think ,” no wonder they don’t feel like they’re in love anymore! All they do is focus on one another’s faults!”
And it would be perfectly reasonable for you to think that. So wouldn’t it be reasonable to believe that focusing on your weaknesses only would hurt your relationship to yourself?
The minute you give up on yourself, you lose. The minute you think you will lose the fight, you lose.
Love is about accepting weaknesses and strengths. I gave up in that before I even began working on it. It wasn’t until did this exercise of rooting out my negative thoughts that I realized this. I had phrase who I was as “not selfish” instead of “selfless” or “not bad” instead of “good” and in so doing, prevented myself from seeing what I most did not want to see.
I did not want to see my strengths, but this positive thinking wore it down. I worried then that I would not be able to control my weakness and it would spiral out of control. As if my weakness was like an infection that would kill me.
My weaknesses exist for a reason. I am humbled by them and encouraged by them to rely on and better understand others. It makes me a less lonely person. It draws me closer to God. I knew that, but it didn’t make me fully accept my weaknesses.
It wasn’t until I expanded my thoughts and logically worked through them in a way that I couldn’t before. “When he are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” is a verse I often think of (it’s in Mosiah 2:17 for thise who believe as I do). If me serving others is the same as serving God, then wouldn’t that mean if others serve me, they are also serving God?
The thought of my weakness being able to help others become better in this way, forget their problem, gain richer blessings, become closer to others, find happiness that way, and grow closer to God (in my eyes at least) made the thought of weakness not detestable, but extraordinary.
How can I hate my weakness after being able to help others like this? It helped me love myself just a little bit more because I’m able to help others this way. Even my weakness can be used to help others. Not only that, but I see it as my weakness becoming my strengths. Something that is normally hideous, but in the hands of my God has become beautiful. Being able to serve is my privilege and honor. That it was my weaknesses that allowed this makes me grateful that I can be weak.
We come into this world weak, but it is this weakness that causes us to lean on one another and grow closer to one another as a result of it. Beautiful things sprout from our weaknesses. It can lead our greatest weaknesses into our greatest strengths.